Mommy’s tired.

I am fucking tired all the time. Like, actually. It doesn’t matter how much my kids sleep or how well they nap, I am always tired. I’ve had my blood checked, hormones, iron and everything in between, but since falling pregnant for the first time, I am always tired, so I’ve basically been tired for nearly 5 years.

I sat down and had a good conversation with myself, I mean, why the hell am I tired? I don’t workout excessively (or at all most weeks if I am totally honest, lol). I don’t eat like crap. I do honour my sleep and go to bed at a reasonable hour.

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Wish I could be an influencer on Facebook or Insta for being myself. Like I am legit sitting on the bathroom floor drinking wine while my kids kill each other in the bath 🤣 I miss the days when drinking wine made me feel sophisticated 😂 . . #happyfriyay #momhairdontcare #isitbedtimeyet #winetime #itsbeenalongday #toddlers #dontjudge

A post shared by Ashley Lohse (@astrongbeginning) on Jan 11, 2019 at 5:53pm PST

Here’s the problem, the weight load of parenthood is adding like 60 lbs on my shoulders every day making every damn task feeling like a marathon, and I know you feel it too!

Let me break it down.

I get up at 6 a.m. and my kids go to bed at around 7:45 – 8 p.m. I finish cleaning up at 8:30 p.m. I don’t get an official lunch break, unless you count eating my kids leftovers as I clean it up off the floor for the 1,000,000 time that day. Tally up those hours, weekly, I work the equivalent of 2.5 full time jobs.

On a daily basis, I wake up to make immediate decisions like the ones below…

• What will we eat for dinner?
• What should I make for dinner?
• What groceries will I need?
• Do the kids have everything they need?
• Do I need to put laundry on?
• Does my car need fuel?
• Do the kids have weather appropriate gear in their bags or my car?
• What activities should we do this week ?
• I should really go through the closet and switch out their summer to winter clothes.
• RSVP to parties and get gifts.
• Remember to wish family happy birthday and get gifts.
• Call for dentist, doctor, chiropractor appointments and take them
• Book swim lessons, dance and gymnastics
• Is it show and tell? Do my kids need forms signing? Are activities paid for?
• What should I wear and the kids wear?

And these are just to name a few! They don’t include thinking about my own adulting crap, like paying bills on time, etc.

Then there’s the guilt that comes with being a mom!

• Shit! The kids ate Annie’s mac and cheese again because I forgot to get food out of the freeze.
• I didn’t arrange any play dates because it was Wednesday by the time I realized the weekend was over and we now have commitments for the remaining two days of the week.
• The house is a mess. I should stay up late and clean it.
• My kid is wearing a dirty shirt again to daycare because I didn’t think to check it until we were already 10 minutes late for drop off and now there is no time to change.
• We forgot to RSVP to a party and forgot to get a gift!
• I should really do more crafts with the kids.
• I need to teach them ABCs numbers, colours, shapes and birthdays.
• Missed registration for classes now on waitlist – GRRR!
• I should really make an effort to at least fake that I have my shit together…
• I should really have got dressed and left the house today.
• Too tired to cook, but I just dropped $250 on groceries and ordered take out

Don’t forget you probably have a job that you commit to for 20-40 hours a week that requires your brain and commitment and guilt.

Oh yes, and you have a husband or partner, and human needs of your own to tend to when you’re done being a hot mess, guilt-ridden, can’t-keep-her-shit-together mom.

I will be honest. I’ve been known to cry in my car eating ice cream. I’ve thrown adult-sized tantrums that or may not have ended in the demise of a plastic laundry basket, because sometimes screaming into a pillow just isn’t going to cut it.

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2 years ago I flew by myself with a 4month old and a 2year old to England, to take care of my nanny Sheila in her final days on this earth. I had two foster teenagers at home, was about to embark on my training for my career as a Sleep Constant and I was utterly exhausted. My sister snapped this shot early in the morning of me and my son Preston sleeping together. Motherhood is exhausting. I remember the days when I was “tired” before having kids. I never truly imagined I could be as exhausted as I was in this moment. . Please know it gets better, that you won’t always be so tired and waiting for the next time you can lay your head down. These days are hard and the sacrifices are great but the rewards are just so overwhelming. Like when they smile and laugh or fall asleep at your breast in your arms. Or you see them hit a milestone like rolling or crawling and you accept that you have done some good and you aren’t a failure. . When I look back on this moment now, I actually miss it. Those baby snuggles, that feeling that you are someone’s everything. The whole entire world fits in your arms, it’s really quite amazing. . But momma, it will get easier and better and less exhausting. If you have words of wisdom or encouragement or even a picture you treasure that embodies the good and bad in one photo, post it, tag a friend and write something beautiful for another Mum, you never know who might need to hear it today 💕 . . #astrongbeginning #myeverything #myworld #babyboy #cosleeping #snuggles #motherhood #mummy #youareenough #tired #sleeplessnights #sleeptrainer #sleepconsultant

A post shared by Ashley Lohse (@astrongbeginning) on Sep 7, 2018 at 5:42pm PDT

But here’s the thing…

When I laid it out on the table like that for myself, I realized I shouldn’t feel guilty. I don’t have “#mombrain”. I have “Holy shit I have so much to remember and I can’t keep it all straight 100% of the time” brain. The weight of motherhood is great.

I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!!!!

When I talk to other moms and dads on the daily, I lay my shit bare. I talk about the struggles I have faced or face and I don’t sugar coat it. I do not pretend to have it all figured out. Why? Because when I do, I can literally see the tension come off their faces like, “Oh, you don’t have it figured out either? I probably shouldn’t feel so bad!”

Social media paints a beautiful picture of parenthood, I am about 5 seconds from deleting a couple local celebs for instagramming the crap out of their perfectly white, picture-perfect lives. I know we all aspire to be that. Hell, I sure do! In reality, they have a TEAM of people holding them up and handling their stuff so they can focus on looking immaculate. I mean even the non-immaculate “I’m just like you” pictures are staged for goodness sake.

You are going to be ok, the weight of parenthood is immense, it’s expensive and hard, and you will be tested to your absolute limits. But you are going to be ok. Ask for help, share in your bad days, call a friend, call your mom, call your sister. Cry, laugh, and if all else fails… Break a laundry basket and then eat ice cream in the car while you cry.

I’m right there with you, treading water, trying not to fuck up my kids, not to fail in my career, maintain friendships and craft like those handy mothers on Pinterest. I am crushing it, one day at a time and so are YOU!

 

So much love and respect for you,

Ashley